Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Opinions

     I am a very opinionated person.  I don't know if people near me know this or not.  Maybe my closer friends, but definitely not just the students in my classes.  I don't know why, and I have seemed to have this problem before, but I find myself hiding myself more and more.  I never give people my opinions.  I feel like my opinions, in general, sway from what most of the people in my town think.  They are entitled to their opinions and I'm entitled by mine, but I feel like I would get a bad reaction if I just went around saying what I think.  I am very liberal, especially compared to all of the very conservative people in my town.  Even the democrats aren't even close to my levels of liberal in this town.  Now, I don't think I'm better than them by any means, but I feel as though they would be upset as to my viewpoints.  I am very passionate and loyal to my opinions and will back them if necessary, but I won't normally tell people my opinions if they don't ask.  I know people don't want to hear my opinions all the time, but I still feel like they should be heard sometimes, and I'm not exactly sure as to how to go about doing that.  I'm bad at talking and I get very nervous and shaky when I have to do or say anything in front of people.  If I have to read a sheet of paper, I can do that, but if I have to talk about why I think gender binaries are stupid, I get really tight and my heart starts beating too fast.  I worry what people think of the inside me.  I can agree with others opinions if they're mine, but I can't usually just speak up for my opinion on my own.  This is a problem.

Do you have any anxieties like this?

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Failed...

Yes, I failed my "resolution" on the second day.  That's not because I wasn't trying, but I'm working on a larger project and I was spending my time on that project.  But oh well, I try not to think too much about these kinds of things.  You know, live in the moment.  I want to do things, but not force myself to.  Last year I sort of made myself miserable forcing myself to create things.  This year I will create will I feel the inspiration to.  I want to open up myself to people more also.  I really want to try with this one.  I felt a sad sort of nostalgia missing things I never had, like deep human interaction.  I don't think people know me as much as I'd like them to.  Maybe, I could read a self-help book on it.  I hope you're resolutions are going well!

What was your resolution/s?

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Darren Criss

Today I decided to start a 365 project.  Mine is going to be people.  365 people, whether they're drawn, created, celebrities, friends, family, whatever... there is going to be 365 of them.  Today is Darren Criss.  I drew him completely with pencil.  It took about two hours.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Who am I?

Sometimes I get kind of depressed and cry at the smallest of things.  Then, I think, the only reason I'm upset is because hormones are telling me to be sad.  Then, I get even more upset because, darnit, if I'm going to be miserable I want it to be my own fault, not my body's.  Sometimes I feel like I'm a slave to my own body.  But then I think no, I'm a slave to living.  Anything that lives is deals with this.  Everything we do is decided by whether or not our body or surroundings are capable of that happening.  For example, if I want to be able to go underwater for a really long time I would have to make sure that I had a way to breath.  Another example is that I can't give blood because I weigh too little and even if I could give blood, I would pass out while doing so because of this primal instinct my body has to pass out. But, what becomes me and what is left as being my body?  Because I am completely dependent on my body.  You could say my consciousness is who I am, but my consciousness is changed by the way the chemicals in my body react.  So, if you just took out my consciousness, I don't think I would have any emotions or feelings.
What I really want to know is, who am I?

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Saved a life

Today, I walked to my neighbor's house to take care of their dogs while they were gone.  I let the dogs out and went to feed their beta fish, seeing as I had not fed the poor fish in a day and a half.  I walked into the room to find that the fish tank had fallen over and there was almost no water left.  I quickly ran over and grabbed the fish tank.  I peered in to find that the fish was completely still, lying on some rocks.  No movement.  He however did not look dead, he still had the bright colors of a live fish.  I swished some water over to him, with the small hope that I would not have to tell my neighbors their fish was dead.  He started flopping around a bit.  I thought maybe it was just the water, but no, he was alive!  I ran over to the sink and put more water in.  Yeah, he's staying in the bathtub now, not precariously sat atop a pile of papers.  Now, I saved a life today, did you?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Birthdays-continued?

Well, today was my birthday and no matter what, I find that on days that are set aside as special, for any reason, I get very upset. I think the reason for this is that I set high expectations for the days and those expectations aren't met. Now, I did not set high expectations for my birthday, I new better. I wasn't expecting awesome presents or a surprise or people singing to me down the halls. But I only got one "Happy Birthday." from anyone at school. Eventually I just told someone it was my birthday and as word spread around, people, who had already seen me that day, would say "Happy Birthday" to me and I would ask if my friend had told them and they would say "yes." I don't know. I think people remember things if they're either important or interesting, and I guess my birthday isn't either one.

What would you do if everyone forgot your birthday?

Monday, November 12, 2012

My Birthday!

I think birthdays are great.  I know they're just another day, that they're overrated, stressful, and often over-dramatic.  Often someone is left off of the invitation list and someone's feelings get hurt, but yet I still love them.  They're fun and exciting.  You get to make cakes and have fun with your friends.  My birthday is tomorrow, November 13th.  Now, if only I had been born on a Friday.

Right now, I haven't been writing much on here because of Nanowrimo, and plus, I'm going on vacation to Maui for 10 days.  I am losing 10 days for nanowrimo.  That's 16,000 words I have to make up.  So stressful, and I'm already behind.  I also have to make up work for all the classes I'm going to miss.

I've also gotten into music a lot recently, you know I listen to it while I write.  I've been ashamedly listening to Glee covers, unashamedly listening to Passion Pit and William Beckett.  Music really helps me right, otherwise I get sidetracked by watching snipits of Whose Line Is It Anyway on Youtube.

Where would you go, if you could go anywhere right now?